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Domestic Violence: Women, Y’all Know Better
1/11/2017 3:22:32 PM

By Beverly Gadson-Birch 

I continue to talk with women that have been abused by their husband or significant other. South Carolina is constantly ranked among the top 10 in the nation for women murdered by men. Most often the women are victims of men they know. In 2015, the State Newspaper ran a story on “Deadly Violence Against Women”. According to the report, “SC had a rate of 2.32 women killed per 100,000 people in 2013. That was more than twice the national average and represents 57 known deaths, compared with 50 a year earlier. Five female homicide victims were less than 18 years old and eight victims were 65 years of age or older. The average age of female victims was 44.” The most commonly used weapon is a gun. The statistics reported were from 2013.

Last year the South Carolina Violence Policy Center released a report that South Carolina is no longer rated #1 but #5. Although statistics have improved, the circumstances that make women susceptible to abuse have not.

Relationships aren’t made in heaven, marriages are. Through relationships, we get to know the person we hope to spend the rest of our lives with. Sometime it works out and sometime it just isn’t meant to be. You must know when to count your losses and move on. We worry too much about what we have “invested” into a relationship. If you have to walk away from a relationship, in terms of investment, you are still way ahead of the game. When you think back over what you put into the relationship and what you got out, you got out with your life (dividends) and no other investment could have yielded a higher return. There is always something in the back of your mind that lets you know when something in the relationship is not right. However, when the relationship takes a nosedive, be careful.

You not only have to know when to move on, but how to move on. Every relationship is different. Don’t think you know all there is to know about a person. Life is all about making good decisions. I hope this article will not only inform but will help to save lives.

If you really want to live, listen up women; stop playing your silly games. You can’t date Joe for ten years then drop him like a hot potato when fast talking, marijuana smoking, sports car riding John comes on the scene. Unlike Country boy Joe, John is one of those smooth, short sleeve muscle flexing, six-pack abs, baldheaded hulks that you can’t wait to get up with. He is that knight in shining armor that you had been dreaming about. Country boy Joe has lost some of his flavor over the years but his financial support and presence have been steady. Since sweet talking, City Slicker John came on the scene, you find everything wrong with County boy Joe. You don’t like the way he dresses. He doesn’t want to go out anymore. I don’t have to tell you, ‘cause y’all know the story. You were kind of putting up with Joe because he is a hard worker who does not shun his responsibilities. Joe pays the rent, pays the note on the car you are driving and gives you money to go shopping. Now, since dapper daddy came on the scene, Joe can’t seem to do anything right. After several weeks into the relationship, you find that John just looks good, smells good and is no good. So, now you run back to Joe, your sugar daddy. Joe forgives you and takes you back. You vow to Joe that your relationship with John is over. Really? Now, here is where the game comes in. You are playing Joe for his money but loving John. You like the stability in Joe because his name is “man”. He takes care of his responsibilities. But, on the other hand, you like that good ole sweet loving that Joe has to offer. You can’t make a decision. You want it all. So, you play them both. Guess what? Your game is not new. Men know when they are played just like women know when they are being played.

Quit should mean quit. It doesn’t mean accepting gifts and money from your past lover and bedding down with the new. Women, there must be a defining point in your life when you must stop playing games, stop bedding down with men who just make you feel good, stop making promises you have no intention of keeping and stop telling lies about where you were or what you did. Your deceitful past will catch up with you. I have tried to live my life by the biblical reality of how the sins of the father are visited upon the children.

In other words, we must be careful what we do, the path that we take, because things don’t always come back to hurt or destroy you, they can come back to hurt and destroy your children. Children have been caught up in the middle of relationships gone bad and murdered.
Last year in Ravenel, two women, a child and two unborn fetuses were killed in a relationship gone bad. The heartrending act by the boyfriend had to be the act of a person who had lost touch with himself and reality. The young man simply lost his way. You should never love beyond the capacity to receive. And you should never believe beyond those things that you can’t rightfully conceive. Did the boyfriend feel victimized? Whatever the truth, there are no winners in death. The young man dropped out of life long before the incident occurred but no one noticed. Did he kill his girlfriend to free himself? Whatever the reason, his life is also over. The young mother could never have anticipated that her life and that of her child would end so tragically; or, could she?
Mothers, stop training your daughters to go after men with “something”. Train your daughters to look for character in a person. Teach them to look beyond the “good looks” and find those things of substance. Sure, money is important but character heads up my list. If a person has character, he has the wisdom to go out and make money. I always thought that country boys had a good mix of character and initiative to make money. Now, y’all work with me.

But, Oh Lordy, Ms. Claudy, y’all got to watch those city boys. Yes sir, those city boys are slick. They will even open the door and pull out your chair for you until they get what they want. Oh, yeah bubba. Dem boys are smooth. Of course, it is getting harder and harder to tell who is who since former Mayor Joe done extended the City lines all over the place. So, some of dem boys who use to be country are now city and some of dem city are now country.

Women, I say, take your time and get to know your partner. Your mama done show you how to pick ‘em. So, y’all know better. Leave dem zeros alone until they get to at least a 10. If they don’t ever reach a 10, just do your subtraction. When in doubt, do the math. Zero from zero leaves, what? ZERO.


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